I never thought I would be in this place again. I've fallen into a deep, hole of darkness. I feel forgotten and abandoned by those I trusted the most.
I've waited on this desolate island alone for their return. Year after year, they promised to come back.
In that period, I've found ways to be self-reliant. Yet inside my soul is unresolved trauma. I am so angry that these people I loved and cared for. They have allowed the person responsible for our pain back into their lives with open arms.
I'm resentful that they chose him over me. I'm sad and angry that I suffered for almost a decade for what? Only to be discarded and replaced by a low-life garbage of a human being who somehow has brainwashed them into believing that he's changed? He hasn't changed. He was alone. And his mistress turned ex-wife took off and left him to his own devices.
This man comes back and sings the songs of sympathy making every excuse under the sun to paint himself as a victim of his own poor life decisions. I trusted this woman when she said she would never go back to this man. I trusted that she would take responsibility for her own life yet she just falls right into the victim role as well.
Now they are re-married for the third time and somehow I am forced to accept this because the excuse her health is failing and he's the knight in shining armor coming to rescue her from the pits of hell he placed her in? It's psychotic!
These people think that I have to accept their toxic dynamic. I do not! I do not have to carry this pain and suffering with me anymore. I don't have to feel responsible for their well-being, safety or happiness. I want to rid myself of the trauma and pain they've caused my throughout my whole life especially in the last decade and more importantly the last two years.
I deserve so much better than this! I will find a way to walk through this pain and I will heal.