Life has made me feel like I've walked through the looking glass and even though I'm entering this awakening, I feel removed from everything I used to know. Even memories have started to fade because I’m choosing to forget.
My heart has been shattered and reassembled countless times. It doesn’t feel like an organ anymore but more like a windup toy that’s has lost its luster. I don’t know how to let people in and wonder if I even have interest in it anymore. I always carry the will to love yet I don’t want to feel it. Most days I feel numb.
I look at my life like a book. So many chapters have passed and still so many more to write. I’m hopeful in believing happiness will slowly find its way into my life even in the smallest moments of joy. Yet, I remain consistent in the belief that if someone has caused me deep, soul shaking emotional pain that I accept it for what it is. A lesson and once the lesson is learned, there’s never a reason to go back.