By The Sea

Even as a child I felt like an outsider to this world. I learned from an early age it was better to be quiet and observant than bring attention to oneself. Hiding in the quietness of the shadows of life became my way of life and a place I learned to survive. All my feelings and emotions I kept bottled inside. I couldn't have a voice so instead I started drawing pictures in the dirt and erasing as I went along my path of exploration. I never felt secure enough to express myself. It even prevented me from connecting with others. Instead, I quietly learned every day about anything I could. 

I studied nature, felt the earth beneath my bare feet, I watched animals and nature and tried to understand their body language and communication style. There wasn't a place I ever felt safe except in the company of animals and nature. I lost interest in trying to connect with my family and humans. I'd spend hours every day immersed in spending time alone and completely detaching from the harshness of life. Make believe became my sense of reality. Everything I wanted in my life I would dream up. It wasn't really much. All I ever wanted to have in my life was to feel safe and loved. Violence and instability was the riddle of my impressionable years and unfortunately became the trend of my life for a few decades afterwards. 

There are experiences in my life that remind me of the beauty I've seen in this incarnation. My favorite memory as a child was running on top of a broken train trestle that ran along the water's edge of the sea when the full moon hung heavy in the night sky. I'd cast my eyes on the beautiful dark blue water with the waves crashing on the shore. It was surreal. I felt so safe, so enthralled in those moments. It was then I realized nature would always be my first love. 

I still visit nature often. Every day if possible. The trees listen to my stories, the birds come to visit me and sings their songs, the sun envelopes me with its warm touch, the water calms my spirit and nature returns to me again and again like the friend that's never left my side, relentlessly giving me the unconditional love I've always been seeking in my heart.

- The Reflective Muse -

Art created by The Reflective Muse imagined with Midjourney AI